“Tell the truth; shame the devil”. If you have a grandmother, or know anyone who has a grandmother, you’ve probably heard this old adage from them. It’s an idiom I heard growing up from the aunties and elders in the tiny, never-airconditioned, Black Baptist church I grew up attending during the sweltering summers of Shreveport, Louisiana. I figured it was one of those sayings that the old folks made up and repeated because it had an air of Christianese to it. It turns out this sage wisdom predates my upbringing and that of our grandparents as well.
According to some scholars, a preacher named Hugh Lattimer was regularly utilizing the phrase in his sermons as early as 1555 and penned the same in his Twenty Seven Sermons: "There is a common saying amongst vs, Say the truthe and shame the diuel."
Indeed the diuel is cunning.1
Shakespeare would popularize the adage shortly thereafter in Henry IV:
GLENDOWER: I can call spirits from the vasty deep.
HOTSPUR: Why, so can I, or so can any man; But will they come when you do call for them?
GLENDOWER: Why, I can teach you, cousin, to command the Devil.
HOTSPUR: And I can teach thee, coz, to shame the Devil. By telling truth: tell truth, and shame the Devil. If thou have power to raise him, bring him hither, And I'll be sworn I've power to shame him hence. O, while you live, tell truth, and shame the Devil!
Henry IV, Part 1, Act III, Scene 1. Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?
What Does it All Mean?
The gist of the original expression, as I have always understood it, was that by telling the truth, you shine a light so comprehensively over obscured situations that it robs deception (and consequently sin, or the devil) of any dark crevices to hide within.
Former Supreme Justice Louis Brandeis penned his own variation of this notion in a letter discussing the importance that publicity can play in keeping the legal system honest. “If the broad light of day could be let in upon men’s actions,” he opined, “it would purify them as the sun disinfects”. His idea was fine-tuned in 1914 for the pages of his book, Other People’s Money and How the Bankers Use it when he posited, “Publicity is justly commended as a remedy for social and industrial diseases. Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants; electric light the most efficient policeman.”
No matter the version you rely upon, the message remains consistent: the evil that humanity would conspire to do in the dark is called to account when it is held in the light. The concept is so rudimentary that it appears in scripture. In the book of Luke, Jesus reminds his followers, “There is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open”. Luke 8:17. John expounds on this concept, stating, “This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God. John 3: 19-21. Perhaps a more crude, but equally accurate, analogy is thus: turn on the lights and the cockroaches scatter.
The Place We Find Ourselves
I’ve been processing all of this as I edit my book draft, considering the the correct manner that we spiritual refugees who are attempting to rebuild our faith should interact with those who have caused our pain. We, who have been hurt by the Church, have been conditioned to believe that love and forgiveness require our continued proximity to those who have wounded us, and have every intent to continue doing so. Said plainly, we’ve been taught how to maintain our status as victims in abusive relationships. 2 The decision to emancipate ourselves from those settings is no weakness on our part. Rather, it is healthy. And our decision not simply to leave, but to leave loud has the capacity to serve as a warning to others and save them from the same heartache.
Last year, I was processing these concepts which I knew inherently to be true, but lacked vocabulary for, when my wife shared a podcast that helped it all make sense. Adam Young, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Master of Divinity, tackles the question of how we should engage someone that has harmed us in a five-episode series of his podcast, The Place We Find Ourselves. I cannot stress enough how important this series, and the first episode in particular, is for those that find themselves questioning whether it’s time to let go of some unhealthy relationships, or to what extent we should strive to remain in close proximity to those whose words and ideas are poisonous to us. If that’s you, please go take a listen.
In summary, Young shows us that Jesus dealt with detractors differently, according to how their hearts are situated. There are at least three groups that humans fall within: (1) Normal Sinners, (2) Wicked People, and (3) Evil People. It is crucial to know which type of person you are interacting with to understand the proper response to their problematic behavior.
Normal Sinners
The first category includes all of us. As Christians, we have to recognize that we are all flawed and therefore capable of trespasses against God and neighbor. In fact it’s inevitable. Thus, Young adds the descriptor normal sinner to this category so as to emphasize that, at minimum, we all meet this criteria. Additionally, in specifying that everyone has at least this amount of responsibility for their actions, we are also differentiating against the forthcoming categories which connote a higher level of culpability (to borrow a concept from criminal law) and inoculating against those who are intentional bad actors, but rely on the adage “we’re all sinners” to provide cover for their intentionally bad behavior. Said another way, normal sinners are negligent actors, where the others we’ll discuss are acting with intentionality. Moreover, it’s important to add that the level of intentionality we’re talking about is not just intentional action, but behaving in such a manner to accomplish the intended result. We always move intentionally in society. For example, I am intentionally typing these words. However, if these words were to land harshly on the reader, it would not be my intended result. It is something different to intend the behavior (typing) and the harm (emotional damage) that the behavior causes.
In dealing with normal sinners, Jesus was a gracious instructor. When these individuals heard the truth, it pricked their hearts and fostered repentance. As in the case of the Samaritan woman at the well, it may not be instantaneous, but there is no need to stomp, shout, and argue to convince the normal sinner of their sin. Their hearts are receptive to the truth and the impact that their actions have on others.
Wicked People.
Wicked people intend both their behavior and the impact of that behavior. Paradoxically, they may not want to cause harm. The issue is, they simply don’t care about the impact their behavior has. Don’t mistake this for mere ignorance. To put a fine point on it, they couldn’t care less about your feelings. Because they have lost their ability to perceive how their behavior lands on others with empathy, wicked people participate in a persistent pattern of harm taking no initiative to repent. As a biblical reference, Young refers us to Jeremiah 8:6:
I have listened attentively,
but they do not say what is right.
None of them repent of their wickedness, saying, “What have I done?”
Each pursues their own course
like a horse charging into battle.
Wicked people eschew accountability and refuse to experience the pain of guilt. In fact, wicked people have silenced the voice of their conscience. “What makes someone wicked”, Young tells us, “is not the magnitude of the harm that they have done; it is the refusal to acknowledge the harm they’ve done and the refusal to feel sorrow and guilt about their words and their actions.” Thus, a person may do great harm to others and not be wicked because they own the impact of their behavior. Conversely, a person may do a great deal of harm to a small number of people, but take no responsibility for their harm. The thing that makes them wicked is not a trail of bodies they’ve left behind. Indeed, their behavior may have only effected a small number of people. Rather, the essence of wickedness is the refusal to step into the light and acknowledge how one has hurt another person.
To anticipate an objection that would be launched by wicked individuals, it’s not a defense to wickedness to say, “I’m sorry. We’re all sinners”. Wicked people will readily admit to being a sinner when it suits their purpose but they will not tolerate feeling a genuine since of guilt (read as “conviction” in Christianese), sorrow, or responsibility for the wrong that they have done. In fact, wicked people will quickly apologize because they are deeply committed to appearing to be good. But they don’t mean it.
In Spanish, the most common way to say, “I’m sorry” is the phrase “Lo siento”. Literally, “I feel it”. An expression of empathy. The wicked don’t feel it. And you walk away from the confrontation feeling completely unsatisfied with their response, even if they have apologized. In this way, wicked people are impervious to criticism. Thus, it does no good to explain to the wicked person that they have hurt you or expect them to change their behavior. They have lost the ability to compassionately empathize or examine their motives. In short, wicked people have so hardened their conscience that they no longer feel shame about their sin and failure. 3
It is unwise to share your vulnerabilities with a wicked person because they have no regard for your feelings in comparison to their agenda. Among these are the religious leaders that Jesus challenged, calling them hypocrites or vipers. Because their internal framework for comprehending sin is so skewed that they no longer have the ability to perceive it, Jesus abruptly exposes their sin to the light where it is subjected to the judgment of everyone around him. In other words, they had to be shamed so that the cumulative effect that communal accountability gave could restore the proper perspective. Tell the truth, shame the devil.
Evil People
Evil people are just wicked people with a nefarious agenda. Where the wicked person is indifferent about the harm they cause, the evil person absolutely intends harm. Add to the Wicked person’s personality the intent to humiliate, mock, and destroy. Now you have evil people. To put it plainly, these folks are your enemies. Again, Jesus dealt with these directly, publicly.
Pearls and Swine.
So how do we know which personality we’re dealing with? Young theorizes that one way to discern is to offer a “pearl” to see what they do with it. For example, sharing that the thing that they did hurt you. In this context, the pearl is honest vulnerability. If the listener takes your critique, validates your pain, acknowledges their shortcoming, and seeks your forgiveness, then they are a normal sinner. Your relationship can be restored. If, on the other hand, they shift blame, scapegoat, point fingers, shirk responsibility, lash out, or attempt to manipulate the situation in such a way to make themselves the victim, then they are trampling your pearls and your vulnerability is not safe with them. See Matthew 7:6: “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” Respond accordingly.
But How Do We Respond?
This is, in my opinion, the question that we’re failing to answer in the context of relationships strained from spiritual abuse. We’ve diagnosed the problem to the Nth degree but we’re not talking about the solutions. Or, if we do, the typical solution offered in unsafe Christian spaces is, to quote my friend Johnna at The Bodies Behind the Bus Podcast, to have the abuser snuggle up with the abused in the same blanket.
To address a Wicked person, Young encourages us to seek to disrupt the power dynamic by asking questions of the wicked person that force them to deal with larger issue. As an example, in the context of a confrontation with a relative that cannot acknowledge the harm they’ve done, you may ask, “Would you like to understand how what you’ve done has hurt me?”. There is a right and wrong answer here. The wicked person should want to know how their behavior has harmed you.
There is some wisdom here, but think this out: if they say, “no”, they really are Evil. Even someone who is totally depraved should guess the correct answer here. Thus, if they do say, “yes”, all they are doing is acknowledging that they know what the right answer is. They have enough perspective to know what they should say (for example, “I’m sorry”), but because they don’t mean it, it’s not going to stick. This is where I differ significantly from Young.
It does no good, in my opinion, to maneuver the wicked into psychological checkmate knowing they are cold-hearted or malicious. You may ask the right questions of the wicked person that disrupt the power dynamic in your communication temporarily but, sensing the change in the power dynamic, they are going to work to find a way to restore the balance of power in their favor. What you’ve really done is trapped them into a corner. You may be able to contain them temporarily in that place but they will keep attempting to maneuver their way out of it or, if they cannot use intellect to escape, they will eventually fight their way out tooth and nail, lashing out at you in the process.
Think of it this way: the reason your relationship has not worked up to this point is because the wicked person is, in fact, incapable of being safe. Please do not believe that the mere strategic use of language will change their nature or perspective.
Similarly, there is absolutely nothing you can do or say to move the hearts of Evil people. Let me say that again: there is absolutely nothing you can do or say to move the hearts of these people. Sure, God is capable of anything. It may be that another person in their lives whom they respect has enough influence to help persuade them or change their perspective. However, you are not counted among their number. In fact, these people think about you (or people similarly situated to you…like “the libs”) regularly - how to degrade you, how to demean you. They actively plot your demise. Writing off our enemies does not mean that they’re written off by God. The same grace that we were embraced with upon repentance is available to them. But you can’t get them there. It’s time to let them go.
The example that Jesus sets in dealing with wicked people is to confront their lies head on - sometimes with a pinch of snark.
Then the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders looked for a way to arrest him because they knew he had spoken the parable against them. But they were afraid of the crowd; so they left him and went away. Later they sent some of the Pharisees and Herodians to Jesus to catch him in his words. They came to him and said, “Teacher, we know that you are a man of integrity. You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. Is it right to pay the imperial tax to Caesar or not? Should we pay or shouldn’t we?” But Jesus knew their hypocrisy. “Why are you trying to trap me?” he asked. “Bring me a denarius and let me look at it.” They brought the coin, and he asked them, “Whose image is this? And whose inscription?” “Caesar’s,” they replied. Then Jesus said to them, “Give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.” And they were amazed at him.
Some Light Shaming
Coming full circle, it seems that our grandparents tapped into sage wisdom when they admonished us, “tell the truth, shame the devil”. Deployment of light does not merely expose what exists. For those who rely upon obfuscation to conduct the business of spiritual abuse, it does what little else can: shame. That is, bringing a wicked / evil person’s subjective, corrupted perspective under public view forces consideration of how their perspective aligns with the expectations of the community.
It’s one thing to attempt to be malicious in our communication. However, even as a virtue, truth is a neutral force. The objections that abusers have to their sin being exposed is not the method used to do it but the exposure. As a truth-teller, this in the natural effect of truth. It’s actually not we who shame, it’s the recognition of truth that causes the wrong-doer to feel shame. In other words, church leaders have no need to feel shame when the truth comes to light unless they're behaving like the devil. In the case of spiritual abusers, exposing their behavior subjects them to the public appraisal of the church, revealing the discord between their actions and the expectations that Christ has of His people. Tell the truth; shame the devil.
What we need to understand, especially as people conditioned into the silence that enables further spiritual abuse, is that we are not called to be quiet victims of continued mental and spiritual torture. In fact, predators rely heavily on continued silence. Interestingly, even the wicked /evil know the biblical import of public accountability. Isn’t it interesting that some church leaders will advocate for public church discipline for their members but object when they are called out on social media for their systematic sinful behavior?
Moreover, as we’re considering the value of truth in the context of spiritual abuse, it is important to remember that the real value of the exposure is the protection of the sheep, not the shepherd. There is still a path of restoration for the shepherd if he humbles himself and chooses to walk in the light. And that is where our concern for the abuser ends. We tell the truth to free ourselves; to allow others to affirm, “No, it’s not just you. What happened to you was unacceptable. You’re not crazy.” We tell the truth to free and embolden other survivors of spiritual abuse; to help them identify themselves as victims of the same abuse and assure them that what happened to them is equally unacceptable. To set the captive free. We tell the truth to warn others what they could be subjected to in toxic environments. But perhaps most importantly, we tell the truth because it is the truth. It must be told. So go ahead: tell the truth; shame the devil.
That’s just how I feel about it. Tell me why I’m wrong. I’m not wrong; but tell me anyway.
I hereby make a formal motion for all pastors to hereby refer to the devil as “Diuel”. Any seconds?
There is, of course, an important conversation to be had about the fact that forgiveness is different than reconciliation. Forgiveness does not require our continued presence in hostile territory. Nor does our forgiving change the hearts of those who would continue to abuse us. In fact, because forgiveness is about how we condition our heart to align vertically with God’s expectations of us, we can forgive someone and they never even know it. Consider, for example, how you may forgive someone from elementary school that hurt you decades ago, yet you have no contact with them. Likewise, we may forgive someone who has since departed from this earth. But all of that is a conversation for another time. The point of this rabbit trail is simply to make clear that, to the extent that forgiveness would be used as a tool to leverage our continued presence in spaces that we no longer need inhabit, rest in the knowledge that it's not a valid part of the equation. It is a red herring to derail the particular point that I’m making today. So much so, that for the purposes of this conversation, the idea of forgiveness deserves no greater status than a footnote.
Note: Young’s language is so masterful in describing this phenomenon, and I am quoting excerpts from his recording so heavily, that you could essentially put quotations around the entire paragraph. However, it would be too wieldy to add the quotations and ellipses that indicate where his thoughts end and mine begin. So, for our purposes, know that most of these words are his.
This is so good and helpful having freshly left an abusive church two weeks ago. Thank you for affirming our attempts to righteously shine light on circumstances that have been forcibly kept silent.
I have never experienced this kind of abuse in an assembly my heart hurts for anyone that have. We in the black congregations pointed out the problems. We prayed about everything I can say God worked it out! In the white congregation I remember the pastor said he started the church, and he didn't answer to any one Prayer changed that quick fast and, in a hurry, Communication usually changes the problem sometimes it doesn't.